Saturday, August 3, 2013

God knows who I am

I am thankful for this cavern to rant and ramble my most obscure, absurd or just plain simple thoughts. On rainy days like this, I am glad to be alone hiding in this corner where some might pass by, stop by or never do. It does not matter because it is my space in both the cyber world and the earthly life.

I am not used to speak eloquently of my feelings but rather listen to what people have to say. I socialise but am an extrovert with an introvert’s soul. Weird as it is, I am labelled as mostly sanguine by those who know me but deep inside, I have a melancholic soul but perhaps no one notices that part of me.

I am a ball that rarely fits perfectly in any holes making me an oddball of some sort. My life is surrounded by people from all walks of life who love me in different ways. Poets think I should stick to painting. Artists think I should continue to write. Writers think I should blossom as a fashion designer. Designers think I should teach. Teachers think I should do business. Businessmen think I should be in the monastery. Nuns think I should be in the marketplace. Jack of all trades but master of none so I am beginning to wonder what defines this oddball on earth.

Today I don’t feel like doing anything or be anything. Just a cup of coffee and a book that speaks of both poetry and abstract ideas on the couch will be quite fun. Then again, am I to idle my life away? Should I waste the time ticking away indulging in a pleasure that might not even be pleasure?

Tired of putting a label on whom I am; I am thankful that God knows who I am. I need not crack my head to figure out how to live like an artist or a writer or behave like a non-conformist designer or simply a contemplative in a bustling city. I am glad to know I have a creator who moulds me and remoulds me till I am perfect and this is in His time and not mine. I am tired of figuring out with reasoning and meditations and which course of action to take so I’ll simply trust that He’ll provide like a little child holding His Father’s hands walking towards a fun festival. As long as I hold His hands, I will not be lost even though I might lose my eyesight or get covered by a hidden fog.

What random rambling this has turned out to be. Oh well, know who I am and what plans you have for me. So I am going to take this verse below to heart today and let you change the compass whenever you want and wherever you wish to take this funny creation of yours. And God, thank you for this cavern of yours.

Jeremiah 29:11 
"For I know the plans I have for you" declares the Lord, "plans to 
prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

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